My narrative writting

 I have been learning to use show not tell to make my narrative interesting.

I tried to have figurative language and have character dialogue, by describing what the characters think and feel about this story

The Rip                                      

   

There were two brothers who were not at all alike;  they were different in every way. The younger brother stayed on the sand. Jack the older brother, was always in the water. Jack liked to swim with his bros, diving and tumbling, bombing and snorkling, and surfing in the waves. During the day Jack liked to go on lots of adventures but James the younger brother would stay safe on the sand. Sometimes Jack would creep up to James and drag him into the water. “Oh come on you little chicken, it’s only waves,” Jack said. 

One morning their mother got angry with them, “like cats and mice! Out you go, both of you”, their mum said angrily. “and just be nice and try to bond with each other for once”. “Why are you coming? ”Jack moaned. James sighed, “I didn’t even want to come in the first place. “You're such a baby! You're afraid of everything” Jack walked, leaving James behind. When the two brothers arrived at the beach Jack dived straight into the water but James stayed on the sand building a sandcastle. “Come on, get in!” Jack yelled. ‘‘Why would I go into the water when there are massive waves that can smash you like a hammer!”, James yelled back.

‘‘Hey James! Come here’’, Jack yelled. James refused and shook his head, but he was curious. James walked over to see why Jack wanted him. ‘‘What is it?’’, James questioned. ‘‘look do you see that over there?’’ Jack asked ‘‘There is a rip right there and I'm going to go in it’’. ‘‘NO! You cant it's too dangerous!’’ Jack ignored James as he dived straight into the dark, creepy rip. Jack got sucked out into the ocean waves like mountains crashed down on him.

James swam as fast as he could trying to reach his brother, but Jack kept on getting stuck under the waves. Fear gripped his heart. Tears threatened to burst from his eyes. What could he do? He had to go further deep into the ocean. The sea was cold, deep, and creepy. As it got deeper James found himself in a dark part of the ocean - there was no sign of his brother. Shivering, he saw the sea morph into a dark hole. Sharks, stingrays, jellyfish - what kind of creatures are lurking at him? His mind told him to turn back, but his heart wouldn’t let him. He could not leave - for what would become of his brother. “Jack! Where are you?” he yelled as he swam. The more he swam, the more he wanted to find his brother. In a nick of time, a surfer zoomed in on his board and snatched James out of the water. “Woah little dude what are you doing out here?” the surfer said. “My brother is in the rip” James cried, “Don’t worry kid ill get him”. The surfer pulled Jack onto his surfboard and took Jack and James onto the sand where they were safe. “Thank you for saving us,” Jack said, “No worries,” The surfer said, “and call me Kai. In Hawaiian culture, it means "sea."

The soft wind came through and brushed all the sand off their feet it was a nice soothing breeze and Jack and James were happy to see each other. They wrapped their arms around each other and decided to go home now after that long crazy day. They ran back through the sand together. when they had arrived home and their mother was doing the dishes. ‘‘Hello guys,’’ mother said, ‘‘you two seem oddly silent. ‘‘Is everything ok what happened?’’ James quietly giggled. Jack was trying to hold in his laugh. ‘‘Oh, nothing happened,’’ James smirked.

sickness isnt a physical thing

 

In class, we are learning what it means to be healthy. I learned that just because you are not sick doesn't mean you are healthy.

Hot task

 

In class, we have been doing a cold task to find out what we already know. 

We are learning to self-assess our writing so we know what we are good at and what we need to work on.

I want to improve my writing by having an interesting hook and having short sentences for impact using show not tell and figurative language. 

HOT TASK TERM 2 2022 NARRATIVE 

Write a narrative, this could be a story you make up or a whanau story you retell.

Name: Kobe

In the holidays I went to the Rainbow end with my family. We finally arrived at our destination Rainbows end! So we got into rainbows end and the first ride we went onto was the simple log ride. The line for that was massive, there were these two little boys in front of us that were jumping, climbing around everywhere. It started to annoy me. I was getting mad. 

Lucas and his family also came so after the Log ride I ran straight to the Stratispear we had to go on the easy mode cause I was a couple inches shorter so it was dumb. This was the exciting part we went to the fear fall. We waited 15 minutes for the line we got on to go to the top. We dropped I blackout as soon as we dropped.

We made it to the ground. I woke up and everyone’s face looked terrified, Sydnee-jo said ‘‘that was one of the scariest rides I have ever been on’’, Lucas had blacked out also, and untie Kelly was just screaming and swearing the whole time. Everyone's eyes were watering when they got off. What was dumb is I missed the whole ride cause I blacked out. We all got off my eyes were watering so hard from that crazy journey down. Next, we went to the roller coaster we waited for ages the line was all the way at the bottom of the stairs Lucas started to quit when we were halfway through the line everyone else was so excited even myself. We were next in line when we got on me and Sydnee-jo were at the front so it would be scarier we left out slowly then it started to pick up some pace and then BOOM we went flying around and around screaming our heads off the ride was only about five seconds long. 

We got off and, Sydnee-jo, Kyrie, and untie Kelly ran to the invader right well not untie Kelly because she had a sore foot. The line was massive but luckily the invader ride had heaps of seats so the line went fast. We all went on every single ride except Lucas and Jasper. Lucas was like ‘‘oh Nah I’m gonna throw up Nah look that goes way too high and it even spins nope I'm not going on that.’’ It was such a crazy day everyone enjoyed the day spending time and having fun with their families and going on all the crazy rides.

We had finished the day off by going on the bumper boats cause we would get wet it was so crazy Kyrie got stuck so she was just going around in circles it was crack up as I smashed into Sydnee-jo so hard she got soaked and Lucas was crashing into everyone he was laughing so hard we all almost ended up peeing out pants cause it was so funny and that was the end of our amazing day at rainbow’s end.