My narrative writting

 I have been learning to use show not tell to make my narrative interesting.

I tried to have figurative language and have character dialogue, by describing what the characters think and feel about this story

The Rip                                      

   

There were two brothers who were not at all alike;  they were different in every way. The younger brother stayed on the sand. Jack the older brother, was always in the water. Jack liked to swim with his bros, diving and tumbling, bombing and snorkling, and surfing in the waves. During the day Jack liked to go on lots of adventures but James the younger brother would stay safe on the sand. Sometimes Jack would creep up to James and drag him into the water. “Oh come on you little chicken, it’s only waves,” Jack said. 

One morning their mother got angry with them, “like cats and mice! Out you go, both of you”, their mum said angrily. “and just be nice and try to bond with each other for once”. “Why are you coming? ”Jack moaned. James sighed, “I didn’t even want to come in the first place. “You're such a baby! You're afraid of everything” Jack walked, leaving James behind. When the two brothers arrived at the beach Jack dived straight into the water but James stayed on the sand building a sandcastle. “Come on, get in!” Jack yelled. ‘‘Why would I go into the water when there are massive waves that can smash you like a hammer!”, James yelled back.

‘‘Hey James! Come here’’, Jack yelled. James refused and shook his head, but he was curious. James walked over to see why Jack wanted him. ‘‘What is it?’’, James questioned. ‘‘look do you see that over there?’’ Jack asked ‘‘There is a rip right there and I'm going to go in it’’. ‘‘NO! You cant it's too dangerous!’’ Jack ignored James as he dived straight into the dark, creepy rip. Jack got sucked out into the ocean waves like mountains crashed down on him.

James swam as fast as he could trying to reach his brother, but Jack kept on getting stuck under the waves. Fear gripped his heart. Tears threatened to burst from his eyes. What could he do? He had to go further deep into the ocean. The sea was cold, deep, and creepy. As it got deeper James found himself in a dark part of the ocean - there was no sign of his brother. Shivering, he saw the sea morph into a dark hole. Sharks, stingrays, jellyfish - what kind of creatures are lurking at him? His mind told him to turn back, but his heart wouldn’t let him. He could not leave - for what would become of his brother. “Jack! Where are you?” he yelled as he swam. The more he swam, the more he wanted to find his brother. In a nick of time, a surfer zoomed in on his board and snatched James out of the water. “Woah little dude what are you doing out here?” the surfer said. “My brother is in the rip” James cried, “Don’t worry kid ill get him”. The surfer pulled Jack onto his surfboard and took Jack and James onto the sand where they were safe. “Thank you for saving us,” Jack said, “No worries,” The surfer said, “and call me Kai. In Hawaiian culture, it means "sea."

The soft wind came through and brushed all the sand off their feet it was a nice soothing breeze and Jack and James were happy to see each other. They wrapped their arms around each other and decided to go home now after that long crazy day. They ran back through the sand together. when they had arrived home and their mother was doing the dishes. ‘‘Hello guys,’’ mother said, ‘‘you two seem oddly silent. ‘‘Is everything ok what happened?’’ James quietly giggled. Jack was trying to hold in his laugh. ‘‘Oh, nothing happened,’’ James smirked.